Possibilities Beyond Loss
Exploring the Fullness of Surrender
As I walked around my kitchen in full habit stacking mode, I simultaneously waited for my coffee to brew, wiped my countertops, and listened to a podcast. I’d discovered the Rebecca Weiss Podcast just a few weeks prior and decided to begin the morning following along as she interviewed Jasmine Weiler, one of the pastors at Mercy Culture in Fort Worth, TX.
Jasmine shared her testimony of surrender to God in a particular season of life, and Rebecca offered this impactful statement: “They can live out the fullness of His destiny, but it’s dependent on the fullness of their surrender.”
Essentially, Rebecca highlighted the possibilities available to those who fully surrender to Christ. Those who do receive everything needed to live out their lives in bountiful ways and fulfill their God-given purposes. This is certainly something worth pondering and celebrating, isn’t it? If you’re interested in taking a listen to the full podcast episode for context, click here.
Rebecca’s comment gave me pause, particularly as it relates to the grief and loss journey.
As we grieving hearts submit to the ebbs and flows that are inevitable throughout the grief process, perhaps we too might experience fullness – whatever that represents to each one of us – in life.
I’ve taken the liberty of paraphrasing Rebecca’s quote to fit the grief landscape, as follows: “You can live out the fullness of your life with joy, though it’s dependent on the fullness of your surrender.”
My friend, I would argue that a fully surrendered heart is open to possibilities beyond loss. In other words, we must begin to re-imagine our lives after loss in order to step into the unanticipated, yet full life that awaits us.Weeks and months after my mom died, I intentionally maneuvered my world so as to avoid grief. I didn’t want to be part of the ‘grief club.’ I refused to make room for my newfound life companion. I denied the need for external support, despite the fact that I was experiencing internal suffering and unrest. My life revolved around me doing and working hard to not succumb to grief’s grip.
My heart had not yet surrendered to the process of grieving.
It wasn’t until I sat across the room from my therapist, who gently asked me what it would look like if I relaxed into the pain of my mom’s death, that I realized how much grief resistance plagued me. A horrifying and foreign thought, I completely dismissed my therapist’s words … and, in full transparency, ‘no showed’ several therapy appointments thereafter. However, physical health symptoms, coupled with relational challenges and spiritual discomfort, summoned me into a more surrendered state.
The shift occurred gradually. What began as openness to deeper inquiry about my emotional pain led to raw admissions about my discontent with God. And on a Sunday evening two years into my grief journey, I found myself seated in a church parking lot. Inside, other grieving hearts regularly convened to share their experiences and process loss in community. With prompting from a dear friend at the time, I made the decision to walk through the doors of the church and attend a grief gathering for the first time.
Surrender.
What I’ve learned most about surrender is that it’s typically not a one-time event. 
The “fullness” of one’s surrender is actually the culmination of several surrendered moments.
For me, this looked like returning to the grief gathering after my initial reluctance. Allowing my therapist to gingerly shine a light into the innermost pain points throughout my grief journey. Creating space to shed tears and lament what was and what would no longer be. Choosing softness over a hardened heart, especially when anger arose and questions loomed in my oh, so scattered mind.
What about your surrendered moments?
I encourage you to take a moment to pause and reflect. You may be pleasantly surprised by the ways your heart has surrendered thus far.
As I’ve softened, surrendered, and recognized the safety therein over the years, God continues to reveal where life remains. Joy exists. Laughter abounds. Rest soothes. Connection awaits.
Friend, as we grieve, the spectrum of colors narrows and what once felt bright is often dimmed. The tip of the candle flicker that once afforded hope begins to shrink, shifting our thoughts towards darkness and for some, even death.
Grief will never end. Memories may fade. Isolation can ensue. These are inevitable and harsh realities along this lifelong path.
Yet with surrender, we can live with joy. With hope. With love. With community. With movement towards a new beginning.
We don’t have to go hard or prove a point with grief. There’s no winning to be had in that fight, trust me. On the contrary, we can embrace moments of surrender day-by-day to co-exist with grief.
Just this morning, I chose surrender by:
Allowing my body to choose when to get out of bed, as opposed to forcing it up on the heels of an alarm clock
Slowly sipping hazelnut-infused coffee while reflecting on all that I’m grateful for
Enjoying a lengthier shower and relishing the warmth of the water on my grieving frame
Resisting the urge to fill up space in my calendar with meetings and ‘other’-focused tasks
Actively living out the fullness of life with joy by choosing the fullness of surrender.This is our collective call-to-action.
It’s the precise reason I created SOFTER Society. Will you join me by subscribing?
In the weeks and months to come, I’ll share more about my vision for this space. For now, THANK YOU for being here and pondering how you might also embrace surrender.
xo, Mekel