Creative Expression
Exploring Ways to Live Softer in Grief
I often joke that I rediscovered the creative side of myself after finishing graduate school. But that’s only one part of the story. The other portion, definitely more impactful than neverending exams and technical essay writing, is grieving. That’s right!
Grief dimmed my creativity.
If you’ve experienced the depths of heartache and pain on the heels of loss, you know the world is … well, just not as vibrant. Everything seems muted – from relationships with family and friends to actual colors to the taste of food. And it can take years to begin to experience a shift in how you see and interact with the world.
Throughout my childhood, I enjoyed writing creative short stories, poems, and even plays. I can recall arranging my stuffed animals around the room to ‘act out’ various roles and bring my creations to life. My imagination always felt like a safe place to simply create and be without the pressure of performance. Within that space, healthy daydreaming flourished, my mind free to wander without constraints.
Of course, aging and life transitions shifted the ways in which I was able to freely create. But even well into my early 20s and 30s, creativity made its way into my routine. For example, following a cross-country move from Texas to California, I enrolled in a photography class and took a stab at capturing faces and places of all kinds. I continued to journal my life’s high- and low-lights, and I even signed up for a ballet class alongside a dear friend. That was hilarious, to say the least!
However, when my phone rang in early November 2012 – my mom on the other end of the line announcing a stage IV pancreatic cancer diagnosis – creativity flew out the window. All of my thoughts transitioned to practical matters – flying home to be with her, arranging hospice care, and having courageous conversations with my mom about her end-of-life wishes. And 30 days later, my mind shifted to funeral planning, contacting friends and relatives, and making decisions about my mom’s physical belongings with my brother. No room for creativity there!
When God placed a book idea in my heart two years after my mom’s death, I immediately rejected the idea. However, with prayer and counsel from my therapist, I decided to proceed. At the same time, life continued to feel muted in many ways.
Nearly four years after my mom’s death, however, I made another cross-country move, after which I began to experience a creative spark. Perhaps it was being in a new environment and experiencing a fresh start. Maybe it was God lifting the veil a bit in order for me to open my eyes to the possibility of living fully again. Whatever the case, I became more intentional about exploring creative pursuits.
Research (e.g., Brennan, 2015; Elzen et al., 2023) highlights the ways creativity can benefit the grieving heart, as follows:
Providing a means to express complex emotions. In the absence of spoken words, creativity can open those who grieve up to freely and healthily communicate complex thoughts and feelings.
Offering a sense of control during a time of instability and uncertainty. While a grieving heart cannot control the inevitable ebbs and flows associated with loss, the person can control the paintbrush, pen, camera, or other creative tool.
Creating space for new insights and perspectives about oneself and life in general. Creative expression can unearth inner realities that may not have been easily accessible or known to the one who grieves.
Helping to capture lasting memories of the loss. A picture, sculpture, letter, or other product of creativity can serve as a means of remaining connected to and/or memorializing one’s loss.
What I loved most along my own creative journey was its non-judgmental presence. My words never questioned me. The paint on a given canvas never challenged me to interact with it in a particular way. My photos simply existed with no expectation of change.
Isn’t this what we all desperately crave as grieving hearts – to be unconditionally embraced, accepted, and loved right where we are?
My friend, as you explore creativity along the grief journey, you open yourself up to softness. Gentle and flexible living, as opposed to linear thinking and rigid emotional guardrails.
Remember … living softer as you grieve is imperative … and you deserve that after everything you’ve endured.
I’ll conclude by sharing a couple of lovely quotes that emphasize the power of creativity throughout the grief process:
“Art seems to bring us closer to what language cannot reach and to what poets prove … evaporates in exploration and translation.” – Sandra Bertman“There’s a lot of power in creativity. There’s a lot of power in writing things down. Poetry – and poetry especially is like singing on paper […] – I think it feeds the soul.” – Joy Harjoxo, Mekel
